How To Pick Up A Stranger Without Looking Desperate

This post is for those of us who are single and looking to mingle, but tend not to go to nightclubs and busy bars looking to pick someone up. Talking to people, especially people you find attractive, takes a little courage, but there are some really easy ways to strike a convo with someone without looking like a total desperado.

Let’s get started. Take those earphones out and look up from your book for a minute. There are SO many ways to spark a conversation with a stranger, a meaningful one at that. If you follow these simple steps, which include getting in the right mindset, and understanding your expectations, you’ll soon start to open up and you might even bag yourself a date.

Think about your daily tasks – do you go to lectures? Do you stop off to get a latte on the way to work? Do you like to swim or go to a spin class? Do you shop for your groceries nightly or visit the library? Look for an opportunity to start a conversation with someone whilst going about your daily duties, the more ordinary, the better!

Top tips

• People love to share their expertise. Think about a time you’ve asked someone for directions (or been asked), almost everyone tries to rise to the challenge, even if they don’t know the way!

• Remember to speak to someone the way you would if you wanted to be their friend, focus on being positive, friendly, and inquisitive.

• A genuine and friendly looking smile will instantly get a person on-side.

• Whatever you do, don’t start an interrogation. “How’s business? Is it profitable? Where are you living now? Is that expensive? When was your first sexual experience? What’s the capital of Ecuador?”

These men talk about what they find attractive in women:

“For me, I find a woman irresistible when she smiles. A fantastic smile is something that is hugely underrated”

“Shared interests are not essential but I am a firm believer that, if the ‘spark’ is there, mutual passions are almost contagious.”

“She has to be giving you some of the right signals, but not too much of the come on.”

Conversation examples

These easy-peasy, and very normal conversation starters are so innocent, that the object of your affection won’t even realise you are just trying to spark their interest. If the person is genuinely interested, they will carry on the conversation with you. Letting the connection build naturally is your best bet, but if it doesn’t happen, just move on. Nothing ventured, nothing gained.

At a park: “What kind of dog is that?”

At the laundrette: “Do you have any change?”

At a shop: “I don’t suppose you know the difference between these versions of ____, do you?”

Whilst someone stops for a breather whilst running: “Sorry to bother you whilst you’re running! Do you know of any good running clubs around here?”

At a library: “Do you happen to know where the ____ books are?”

At the gym: “Do you know how to work this machine? I’m new to this!”

At a coffee shop: “This is my first time here, what’s their best coffee?”

Give these a try when you’re next out. You might be surprised at how confident you become at speaking to new people. This won’t only benefit your love life, but it might benefit you personally too, like it did for Phillip Petree, a dating expert who was apparently picked up whilst buying steaks!

“I was looking through some steaks and a lady asked me if I knew how to grill a really good steak. I said yes and after a few back and forth questions and answers she said, “I have a better idea, how about I buy the steaks and you come over and teach me.” I said yes, we dated for 5 months.”

This post has also been published on Huffington Post

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